Thunder
by Trapped in a MatchBox
Summary: It's hard to breathe and her chest hurts, but she is not sure it's because she has just run a couple of miles in the rain or if it's the deep ache that has settled in her heart the second he walked out her door. Spoilers for the Season 4 finale.


**A/N: I had decided to stay away from fanfiction until the season was over, but after watching that promo (a few dozen times already), I just had to do something to sort out my thoughts (and my excitement) for the finale. This is what came out of it. Those of you wondering about my other stories, I shall get back to them during the hiatus. Life just got in the way these past few weeks.**

**Disclaimer: Castle is not mine.**

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**Thunder**

The sky is overcast when she leaves her apartment and it looks like a storm will break all over Manhattan any second now. She doesn't care, though. She needs to escape, to run and hide from the turmoil of feelings coursing rampant through her body and running is the only way she can think of to achieve such a thing. Her feet hitting the ground at a steady pace as lightning cuts through the sky, quickly followed by a thunder that reverberates through her, do nothing to slow down her thoughts.

"_I love you, Kate. If that means anything at all to you... Just don't do this. Please."_

His voice keeps playing on a loop in her mind, his raw emotion feeling like a punch in the gut every single time she remembers how he begged her to stop this investigation with tears in his eyes; and even then she was still a coward. He bared his soul to her, his love, and god, it had just been too much, too intense that she hadn't been able to react. When she didn't say anything after that, he nodded with his disappointment and heartbreak written all over his features and left, shutting the door quietly behind him.

She let him go.

Because she is a coward and even when the guy she is in love with, the guy she would give anything to be with tells her he loves her, she still can't do anything. Maybe there is something seriously wrong with her. Maybe her mother's murder really did screw her up so badly that there is no way she can be fixed, no matter how much time she spends in therapy. Maybe Castle deserves better than a screwed up mess of a woman who can't even react when he says those three words she longed to hear from his lips for almost a year.

She increases her pace, hoping it will somehow make her turbulent thoughts disappear for just a little while, but it does nothing to ease her pain. The sky opens up and suddenly the storm is upon her, drenching her down to her bones. She shivers from the cold water, her chin suddenly quivering with an overwhelming need to cry as the knot in her throat tightens so much that she finds it hard to breathe.

She tries to take a deep breath to try and reign in her emotions, but it comes out with a sob and she finds herself crying for everything, but especially for what she may have just thrown away earlier that night. Stopping with her hands on her knees when she can't quiet catch her breath, Kate leans against the solid wall next to her, letting the tears fall freely. It's hard to breathe and her chest hurts, but she is not sure it's because she has just run a couple of miles or if it's the deep ache that has settled in her heart the second he walked out her door.

She stays there for a few minutes, trying to catch her breath and keep her thoughts away from him, away from this godforsaken case, from everything. If she could just erase her mind for just a little while, she would be able to think more clearly, but _she can't_. She can't stop hearing his ragged voice telling her he loves her.

_He loves her._ After everything that has happened, he still loves her.

Oh, God, he loves her and-

What the hell is she still doing here?

Taking a deep breath, she pushes off the wall with a new found strength. The storm is still raging and she jumps startled when lightning cuts through the sky again, the following thunder making her shiver. Looking around to figure out where she ended up after running aimlessly through the city, she feels her heart skip a beat when she sees his building right across the street. Kate looks up, seeing the light on in his apartment and thinks this must be a sign.

She crosses the street and enters the lobby, greeting the night doorman with a shadow of a smile. The older man nods at her and she makes her way to the elevator area, brushing a hand over her face to try to erase any remnants of the many tears she has shed in the past couple of hours. When the elevator arrives, she steps inside and nearly doesn't recognize herself in the mirror. She looks like hell and her drenched clothes are clinging to her skin, but she doesn't care. She needs to fix this. Needs to tell him that he is not alone, that she loves him too. Needs him to forgive her or she will never be able to live with herself.

The ride to his floor seems endless and she stumbles out of the elevator the second the doors open enough to let her through. She nearly runs to his apartment, ringing the doorbell before she can change her mind.

Waiting for him to open the door is torture. It seems to take forever, but when he does, when she sees him there, surprised look on his face, she doesn't think twice. She doesn't think at all before reaching for him and bringing his lips to hers in a desperate kiss.

He is stunned for a moment, but soon responds and when his arms wrap tentatively around her waist she feels like crying again and she wouldn't be surprised if a couple of tears have escaped. They break apart after a moment, gasping for air, and he cradles her face, thumbs wiping away those traitorous tears and she has to bite down hard on her lip to keep the sob that desperately wants to escape in.

"Kate-" he starts, but she doesn't let him finish because he needs to hear it from her before anything else is said.

"I love you." She gasps out and sees the surprise register in his eyes. "I love you. I'm so sorry I didn't say anything. I'm so sorry. For everything. Please." She shakes her head as another tear escapes her eyes and the knot in her throat is tightening again and she can't breathe. "I love you, Rick. So much. So-"

He swallows her words, kissing her again with a fervor that surpasses anything she has ever experienced and he is suddenly all over her, his hands touching her everywhere at once and it's so good because they are okay, they are going to be okay and god, she just loves him so much.

_She loves him so much._

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_A/N: Thoughts? Is it Monday yet?_


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